


Germ Theory

by Saffronthread



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Established Relationship, M/M, Oh my god they were quarantined, Pandemic - Freeform, can't change my mind, you know Levi would be that guy buying up all the hand sanitizer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-16
Updated: 2020-03-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:34:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23175511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saffronthread/pseuds/Saffronthread
Summary: A pandemic is on the rise and Levi simply Does Not Vibe with it. Meanwhile, Erwin isn't taking this as seriously as he should. They're both trying their best.
Relationships: Levi/Erwin Smith
Comments: 21
Kudos: 91





	Germ Theory

**Author's Note:**

> everything in my city is shut down, so I wrote this quarantine-inspired trash that literally no one asked for. 
> 
> come judge my life decisions [here](https://farodiluce.tumblr.com/)

Global pandemics were a real no-go in Levi’s book, so when a new virus kickstarted its world tour, he was the first to stock up on essentials and quarantine himself in his apartment. His fiancé was in no way charmed.

“You’re being ridiculous,” Erwin said after Levi purchased about twelve boxes of surgical masks online. “There’s only one confirmed case here and it’s on the other side of the country.”

“Germs move faster than you think.”

Erwin was sitting with his legs crossed on the couch, reading the day’s newspaper and judging Levi profusely. “You’re not too old, or too young, or too sick. You’re just right.”

“That’s not what this is about, Goldilocks.”

Erwin let out the first of many sighs regarding the subject. “All I’m saying is that you don’t have any reason to be this concerned.”

Levi narrowed his eyes on him. “Tch. Reckless dumbass.”

The order came in two days later, a large box left right outside their door, which was slightly damp from the rain. Erwin brought it in when he came home from work - a high school social worker, of all things. Probably collecting teenage germs like a magnet. He left the box in the middle of the dining table. Levi, of course, took issue with this.

“That box has been on the ground and in the hands of another person. Why would you put it on the table where we eat?” He tapped his foot against the floor, the sound muffled by his slipper socks. “Now we have to disinfect the whole table and probably the chairs.”

“Oh my God, Levi.”

The closet of the guest room was where Levi kept all of his cleaning supplies, complete with latex gloves and soon-to-be surgical masks. He snapped on a pair of gloves and approached the dining table with four different brands of disinfectants, spraying and wiping away until the apartment smelled like the inside of a Lysol can. It took forty minutes to finish the job. Erwin had already gone to bed.

Within two months, over a thousand cases were confirmed with the virus making a linear path across the country. Levi had already begun to work from home. Being an editor had its perks from time to time. He kept the news on well into the night, frequently checking the TV for updates as he tore apart the grammatical errors in his most recent project - a horror novel about man-eating giants. Disgusting.

The virus was predicted to spread across the whole country in a matter of weeks. “See? I told you, you damn shithead. It’s almost here.”

Erwin rolled his eyes. “It’s not as bad as you think. Some of the kids that I work with have real problems, this is nothing. I won’t worry until we see the death rates.”

As a result, Levi waited patiently for the CDC to release any and all updates on fatalities. When the results came in early one Saturday morning, before the sun was even up, he printed out a hard copy and laid it over Erwin’s sleeping face. He was awake within a minute.

“Huh?” Erwin pushed the paper off to the side, rubbed his eyes, and squinted at the brightness of their LED light bulbs. “What time is it?” The clock on the bedside table read 5:19, which gave him a justified reason to grunt like a caveman. “Go back to bed, Levi. I’ll read this later.”

“No, read it now.” Levi climbed on top of him, straddling his hips like a cowboy riding a bull, and shoved the paper back in Erwin’s face.

When Erwin realized that Levi wasn’t about to let him go back to sleep so easily, he reached around on the bedside table for his glasses and leaned up against the headboard, keeping one hand on Levi’s lower back to hold him in place. He read the printed copy of the CDC’s data slowly, in part because he was exhausted, but mostly because he liked watching Levi get agitated.

“Okay, so?”

Levi’s jaw hung open. “People are dying, Erwin.”

Another sigh, another regret that he ever opened his mouth. “People who are particularly vulnerable to any virus, yes. It’s awful, but that still doesn’t negate the fact that you are not one of those people. Panic helps no one.”

Clearly unsatisfied with his response, Levi ripped the paper back from Erwin and stormed off to resume watching the 24/7 news coverage, mumbling as he did so.

It didn’t take long for Levi to discover all the conspiracy theories revolving around the virus. “It’s man made. The government is killing us off to fix the overpopulation issue.”

Erwin stared deeply into his dinner plate, pushing the mashed potatoes around in lazy circles with his fork. “I doubt the government would do that.”

“You don’t- Huh? … _Have you seen the president?"_

“I try not to.”

A week and a half later, Erwin coughed exactly once and was sentenced to sleep on the couch indefinitely. Three days after that, he sneezed and Levi all but handed him a formal eviction notice. “I have allergies, Levi, not leprosy. Relax.”

“Stay home from work,” Levi said with an unhealthy amount of fear in his eyes, which happened to mirror that of everyone stockpiling toilet paper and hand sanitizer as if the end of the world was upon them. “Call in sick. Schools should be shutting down soon anyway.”

Erwin leaned back in his chair, a cup of cream and sugar with a splash of coffee in hand. The urge to sneeze again crept up on him, but he suppressed it. “I can’t just do that. I have appointments with students. And, more importantly, I’m not sick.”

“But you could be sick, you just might not be showing symptoms yet.” Aggravation rolled off of Levi in waves. He was at the kitchen sink, scrubbing away at specks of grease on the frying pan that only he could see.

“I’m really not-”

Before he could stop it, Erwin sneezed and immediately lost the battle. What’s worse, just before Erwin planned to call out, he received an email from his boss saying that the school had shut down for the next two weeks. Levi kept him in bed all day long, ensuring that he drank his weight in liquids and ate three square meals. Levi was so satisfied with this turn of events that he even allowed Erwin back in their bedroom. Admittedly, it was kind of nice to have Levi pamper him, unnecessary as it was. Though the downside was his restlessness. Not being productive for large amounts of time had always made Erwin a little antsy. Plus, he was bored.

“Levi? Could you come in here, please?”

Levi poked his head in the doorway, the sight of Erwin wrapped up under layers of blankets making him smug. "Hn?"

"Come closer. Next to me." Erwin flipped open the blankets and patted the space beside him. "You spend all day between the TV and the computer, pay a little more attention to me."

At first, Levi stood there with his arms crossed. “What? You want to get me sick, too?”

Luckily, Erwin was good at this game. He knew all the loopholes. “I’m cold. These blankets aren’t helping, I need body heat.” Both men knew that this was a bold-faced lie - Erwin preferred the cold, even when he was actually sick - but neither would argue the point.

"Tch,” Levi said as he slid into place beside Erwin. "So selfish."

Erwin spent the better part of an hour running his hands through Levi’s hair, chatting with him about everyday things as they both slowly drifted off. Levi was the perfect level of warmth - not too hot to feel like he’s sweating out toxins, but not too lukewarm to feel like he’s blending in with room temperature. Erwin preferred the cold, but he had a soft spot for Levi, which was good, since they were getting married in the fall.

"Are you happy now? You should really get some sleep," Levi said with a yawn that reminded Erwin of a cat he once had back in college. Stubborn thing took one look at Levi the night of their first date and ran away through the fire escape window. Erwin never saw it again, which was a shame since he had just bought three bags of cat litter.

Erwin pressed his lips to Levi’s forehead, pulling him in closer. “How am I supposed to sleep with you this close to me?”

Levi’s ears turned red, his face looking as though he wanted to say _then maybe I’ll leave,_ but he made no actual move to do so. Just in case, Erwin brought one hand down to secure Levi’s position, otherwise known as Ass Grabbing - an art form Erwin had dedicated years of his life to master. Levi’s breath hitched. “Shithead.”

“You know, Levi,” Erwin started, his fingers pressing and stroking in some adventurous places. “I’m starting to think that being in quarantine might not be so bad.”

Levi wrapped his arms around Erwin’s neck, pulling him in until their faces were parted by less than an inch. “Hn. Not bad. Not bad at all.”

And then, of course, Levi coughed one (1) time. The apocalypse ensued.

**Author's Note:**

> read lots of fanfiction, kids. it's the only way to prevent disease. 
> 
> shout out to SpurningSocialDarwinism and NightingalesCalling for beta reading this garbage heap, you two are Real Ones.


End file.
